Docile by K.M. Szpara

Author:K.M. Szpara
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781250216151
Publisher: Tom Doherty Associates
Published: 2020-03-02T23:00:00+00:00

* * *

Nora hands me a plate when I walk through the door. “You can’t skip meals if you want to keep running like that.”

I stare at the fluffy, yellow pile of eggs. My stomach gurgles.

“I thought you always did what you were told.” Nora winks and guides me to a place at the table, then goes back to scrubbing pots. “You’re letting me down, kid.”

Letting her down. First Dad, then Alex, now Nora. Dylan’s still at the Silo. I’m running out of people I care about—who care about me.

I eat as quickly as possible. The eggs stick to my mouth when I swallow them. “May I be excused?” I show her the empty plate.

She sighs and waves me away. “Go on!”

“Thank you.” I wash my plate, then head back outside. I haven’t been okayed to work, yet, and almost everyone else does, so there’s little to do. Not that I feel like doing much, anyway, without Alex.

I pull a clean towel off the line and head for the reservoir. A hundred years ago, the EPA told us we weren’t allowed to swim in it. We’re probably still not, but it’s faster and easier rinsing off than trying to bathe regularly.

I pry off my sweat-soaked clothes, fold them, and set them on a rock. Warm water swallows my legs as I wade in. The cops can arrest me, if they really care. No one ever notices we exist until we owe them money.

I hold my breath and duck, sealing myself underwater. Down here, I can’t see or hear or smell. But I still ache. When will it go away? When will I learn to live without Alex, like he said I would? I could sink to the bottom and stay there forever. My lungs burn as I surface, gasping for air. Voices drift over the water from the shore.

“Are these clothes?”

“They feel weird.”

“Fucking tight-and-brights.”

A man snickers. “Probably so some trillionaire can cop an easy feel.”

They see me before I can swim away, a group of four guys with sweat-stained sleeves rolled up over dirt-stained arms. I know them like I know everyone in our community; we’ve worked together our whole lives. But standing on the shore, they might as well be standing on the surface of another planet. I rub a hand over my smooth, soft skin, under the water. They’re hairy or stubbled, their skin rough, bodies thick and muscled.

“These yours?” asks one.

It takes me a minute to remember back past Alex—has it only been six months? Micah, that’s his name. He helps build and fix houses. Helped me and Dad add the second room on to Nora’s house once Mom started spending more time there.

“Yes,” I say, still treading water.

Another of the guys holds up the spandex pants and stretches the leg as far as it’ll go. He laughs. “What are you, some kind of trillionaire?”

Another, “No, man, I heard he’s some trillionaire’s pet.”

Another, “Think you’re better than the rest of us, huh?” He slingshots my clothes into the water, and stomps them to the bottom.

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